Our son is now two months old.
As I reflect, the learnings seems to fall into three main areas: shifts in myself, in relation to my wife, and in relation to our son. Those who are already parents probably will recognize some of what I share and have your own version!
Discerning priorities has become a major practice. As we care for this little being, every choice about time carries new implications. This means letting go of the things that aren’t really important (no, I’m not going to respond to that email, tidy that mess, accept that project), and knowing which ones are (yes, I am going to be present while holding our son, take a jog, fix that leak).
My meditation practice has become primarily movement based. It consists of bouncing our son on the ball, carrying him across my shoulder, and relaxing into the flow of activities like changing diapers, cooking, cleaning, and folding laundry.
I am also appreciating how the new demands are pushing my wife and I to deepen our relationship. Unhealthy patterns are revealed in a starker light, while the need for gratitude, grace, and forgiveness are even stronger. Though it's not easy, I relish how the challenge is bringing us closer together.
Finally, I am learning a ton from our son. His complete authenticity and utter lack of self-consciousness is refreshing. I am also seeing in a new way what I have known for a long time: that vulnerably sharing our needs is not a sign of weakness, selfishness, or a demand, but rather can call forth the most beautiful generosity and compassion in others.
He also reminds me daily of how hard it is to be human. It’s staggering how much learning it takes to navigate the world of the senses, and how overwhelming it all can be. This has given me a deeper appreciation of the Buddha’s teachings on both the challenges and preciousness of a human birth.
As we form our new family unit, my thoughts about our planet and society are not far away—in fact, they’re front and center as I edit my new book. (I even wrote and scheduled a “get out the vote” newsletter a couple of weeks ago, but brain fog won and it didn’t go out due to some technical error.) I trust that the learnings will continue to unfold in widening circles, reverberating through all aspects of my life over time.
I hope these reflections are meaningful for you.
For those here in the U.S., where this week marks the complex holiday of Thanksgiving, I share the words of a dear friend and colleague, Sean Feit Oakes, who offered this prayer a recent newsletter:
"May the people and cultures on all sides of the long American colonial project find healing and justice, and may the wounds this holiday was born from find repair, reparation and resolution in a new world of respect and equity for all."